Before I Fade Completely
by Sweet Roses
Summary: Kyou's self-loathing mind won't let him rest. Time after time he thinks about the one person he loves and the only one who understands him- Torhu. Please R&R...


So here is my Fruits Basket short. Its sort of a Kyou/Tohru so please enjoy and review :)

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**Before I Fade Completely**

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Kyou lie alone in his room. He was bitter, cold and he was resentful of Yuki. Yuki seemed to befriend Tohru much more than he did or was able to. It could be because of his noble attitude or the fact that Yuki was automatically the person that everyone clings to.

A hate rose in his stomach. Kyou hated that rat and wished he were not a part of his life. Kyou wanted to leave the Sohma residence but he couldn't. Tohru was special to him but no matter how close he got to her he was too ashamed of what he was and ended up making a fool of himself.

He knew little of Tohru's past, but what he did know he felt connected with. She always liked the cat… always. A silent invasion of blood rushed to his face and he hunched like a ghost in the corner of the room where the cool floor was pressed against his body in an unwelcoming manner.

Kyou often thought of Tohru as someone who understood him and what he felt. He was an outcast- shunned by the other Zodiac's; a stray that no one wanted. In his eyes- so was Tohru. Wrongfully abandoned by her family she was alone, rejected by most of her classmates. Teased, alone and scared.

He was scared also. Scared that one day she would leave. Leave him to start her life with someone he didn't like someone he could only imagine would be the opposite of him. She would never visit him again and slowly begin to forget about him. He just wanted her to stay there at the Sohma residence with him. His body curled; his chest ached and the burning feeling behind his eyes came and went.

Kyou's orange-red hair was looming over his eyes. Darkness was buried inside him and he tried hard to keep it hidden away. It was seldom he won that fight. Darkness would spill and enrage him, cause him to fight and cause him to yell. It caused him to ball his fists in anger at his own stupidity. This was the rage that kept an invisible barrier between him and Tohru.

He never wanted to hurt Tohru with the things he said or did. He was just protecting himself. As much as he wanted Tohru to stay with him he didn't want her to know how he felt. A secret heart is never a rejected heart and Kyou wouldn't be able to handle being rejected by the one person he held close to it.

He slammed his fist on the floor. This was the Kyou that Tohru knew and Kyou made sure that this Kyou was the only one Tohru would see. Angry and mean but just misunderstood. Kyou noticed the way Tohru looked at him when he would shout. Her discerning eyes and kind smile always there to console him- not to pass judgment.

Her gentleness and light heart made him weak. He couldn't understand how her mind worked. She was hardly sad and when she was she was good at hiding it. But when she cried or when she was sick it killed him- he wanted to hold her and make her feel better but he couldn't. One hug from her and he was on all fours glooming at what that curse had done to him.

Mahogany eyes burned with rage and the fighting back of tears. He didn't know what love was did he? His one and only mother hated him and truly abandoned him for what he was. How could he expect Tohru to except him for what he is? A monster. Kyou rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. An arm flinched quickly and landed over his face covering his eyes. He felt he had no reason to see the world he was polluting with his existence.

Tohru wasn't home yet from shopping. He thought about their deal- she could stay for free if she helped clean and if she cooked. He frowned. Who was she- Snow White? But she didn't mind and that confused Kyou. She was always so busy with everything in the house or school work that she never had time for herself.

She seemed to pride herself in helping others. A sour and poignant thought came to his mind. 'She is always looking after everyone else…' he thought and allowed more thoughts of his ignorance enter his mind. No matter what he said to her she would be there to listen and console him.

Tohru was the only one who cared about his feelings, even though he hid them well. He could see that in her eyes when she looked at him with those concerned blue orbs. He knew she was the only one who would understand but yet it was so hard to tell her anything. He tried but only empty threats and white lies formed upon his lips.

He cursed himself. All those times he's gotten close to her only to her he ruins it by acting out and seeming like he doesn't care. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling tiles waiting for the moment when he would hopefully dissipate. Tohru. Sweet Tohru who does everything in her power to make him happy. Kyou gritted his teeth and finally allowed a single tear to slide down his cheek.

_Can you feel how cold I am?  
Do you cry as I do?_

Kyou sat and breathed. Silently calming his nerves he stood and wondered to the window. Outside Tohru was making her way to the front door with groceries in hand. The look upon her face was priceless. A shining smile and bright eyes made Kyou wonder if she was ever lonely. He had felt a dense loneliness all his life and Tohru was the only one who made that feeling go away. He could only wish and hope that he does the same for her. He placed a warm hand on cool glass, feeling the two mixtures mesh together in a uniformed dance. The coolness lingered on his skin as he let his hand fall to his side once Tohru was in the house.

She was strong in her body and in her mind. Nothing fazed her and if it did she hardly let it show. Many times Kyou scrutinized her wanting her to show signs of frailty and sadness. He just wanted to be the one to make her smile and protect her from everything evil. But she was stronger than he was- he ran away too often and let his anger control him: something Tohru would never do.

_Your love, a complete mystery to me_

Kyou let himself sit upon the floor once again. His body and mind ached with a heavy heart. He wanted nothing more than to please Tohru and would try over and over until he accomplished it. So far, Kyou knew he hadn't done well in that department regardless the amount of times he made her smile. She would do anything to make him feel better.

Kyou's body hunched and he perched on the hardwood floor like the cat he was. His ears perked when he heard Tohru frolicking up the stairs to greet him and drop off her things. The first stop she made was her room. He could barley hear her but he knew she was speaking to the photograph of her mother.

He often felt when she would speak to her mother knowing she would never answer back. It was one thing to lose a mother, but it was another thing when a mother takes her own life to rid herself of her blasphemous child. The thought at the back of his mind made his wince and he quickly replaced it with better things.

The brown haired girl poked her head around the doorframe and noticed the small frame sitting on the floor staring out the window. She watched for several minutes in wonderment at the sight. This boy was usually ready and waiting for her to return usually to scold her for being home too late and that it was already dark.

'Kyou!' She said gently and the boy looked at her reflection in the window. She was in the center of the doorway holding a white plastic bag and Kyou could only guess it was something she picked up for him.

She padded across the floor lightly and stood behind him. He could see her reflection clearly now in the window. He lowered his eyes to the floor. Her smile faded and she sat down behind him.

'Here…' she said and slid the plastic bag towards him. 'I picked you up some rice balls- no leaks…' she added and then frowned at the lack of the response she got from him. He let out an inaudible mumble that sounded like a thank-you but Kyou didn't touch the food- he just continued to look at the floor waiting for Tohru to leave the room, however she didn't.

'I know you well enough to know that you're unhappy' she whispered, folding her hands on her lap. She was still in her work uniform and her hair was tied back in a low ponytail.

Even though Kyou couldn't see her face he knew that her features were soft and full of understanding. This thought of her made him cringe. She was so strong- she's been through so much and he couldn't even get over himself enough to thank her for the food.

'I'm ok' he said with a deeper voice that normal to give off the effect that he really was fine. He closed his eyes hoping that he wouldn't cry in front of her. She had a beautiful mind and soul and she could do anything she wanted for anyone. She was a selfless being that Kyou truly admired and loved and would do anything for if given the chance.

'My mother always told me, 'you feel so much better when you get something off your chest' even if it was good or bad. Once you get those thoughts and feelings out of your body- even to one person – you feel so relieved…' Tohru's voice was bittersweet. It always was when she spoke of her mother. When ever she spoke of her mother Kyou wanted to leave the room. He was unable to see such a tragedy fall upon such an undeserving girl- and yet she was hardly seen frowning.

He gave a slight nod. 'Whenever you're ready…' she began softly, 'I'm here to listen…I'll always be there to listen…' His breath stopped.

'Always… is a long time' he muttered.

'You can count on me being there…' She replied and even though he couldn't see her, he knew she was smiling a sweet smile.

'Thank-you…' he said softly and several tears feel from his eyes. Tohru's arms gently wrapped around him and in mere seconds Kyou was curled up in her lap. She was leaning over him and rested her head upon his.

'I don't want to see you upset Kyou, so when you're ready to talk- I'll be ready to listen.'

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please review :)  
Sweet Roses


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